How can you be sure you don’t hurt each other or overstep boundaries? What’s the best way bring each other’s fantasies to life? What do you try first? The unknowns can be overwhelming. If you take it step by step, however, you can easily figure out if BDSM is right for you and determine what flavor you prefer.
Love it or hate it, THIS article about rescued marriages is what Fifty Shades of Grey is doing for a lot of people– and that’s a wonderful thing. I get letters from folks all the time about saved marriages and renewed relationships. As educators and BDSM community members, poo-pooing the book (as many in this article quoting 50 sex educators/fetishists on 50 shades do) does nothing but shame people’s very real, valid, life changing experiences. And what we want most is for them to enter the world of BDSM in a safe, sane, and consensual manner (or in a RACK-y way if that’s more their thing ;) ) and learn to differentiate between fantasy inspiration and healthy real-life kink.
It’s no coincidence the Fifty Shades of Grey movie opens Valentine’s day weekend. The movie folks know it’s the perfect sexy date night film. So what happens when the movie is over and you’re inspired to copy a few moves from Christian and Anna’s playbook?
What if there are repercussions as a result of that doctor finding out exactly how you got those bruises all over your ass? What if they judge or shame you? What if their biases affect the quality of care they give you?
If you’re a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey but haven’t seen Secretary, SEE SECRETARY! It’s a much more realistic representation of BDSM, it’s suuuuper hot, and the chemistry between the James Spader and Maggie Gyllenaal is amazing!
Curious about using electricity to get off? Afraid to try because you don’t want to fry your naughty bits? Have no fear! While electrosex devices are sometimes used for BDSM pain play, they can also be an exciting, painless, and surprisingly safe way to bring yourself to mindblowing orgasm.
And no, it won’t hurt. Often portrayed as complicated, tortuous devices, electrosex toys are actually quite simple to operate and offer an infinite palette of sensations. Their adjustability makes them versatile enough to use for pain play or gentle, erotic titillation.
Sexual taboos are different for everyone. We all have things we absolutely won’t do, however, most of us also have a few naughty, unmentionable, and totally hot taboos that really turn us on. These are the things we’ve been itching to try but because they are a little *ehemm* different, may seem too awkward to bring up to a partner. Halloween can be the perfect time to dive into some of these unchartered waters. Here are 4 sexy taboos that you can explore this October:
There is no one true way to fulfill a role. Don’t let anyone police what or who you are. Like a $20 dollar bill that is folded in half, then wrinkled up and stuffed in a pocket, you still have the same value as you always did, yet you change shape over time. Even though it’s fun to figure out what you are called or identify with, ditch the labels and the meaning behind them and carve out YOUR way to be a top (or a sub).
Recently I was a guest on the SiriusXM radio show, On Air with Club CalExotics hosted by Sheena Metal. Three words: SO MUCH FUN!
Sheena and I talked about exploring kink and took questions from callers. We finished up the episode with my list of Top 10 Fetish Toys of 2013. These are must-have, classic items everyone should have in their naughty toolbox.
Wow, this is a great short film! It also has so many layers. On the surface it’s got a very indie/dark comedy feel. It also brings to light what many people exploring BDSM wrestle with: How to reconcile kink with your feminist beliefs.
It also touches on the importance of safewords and the sometimes murky waters of consent.
Last night I hosted a 50 Shades of Grey Book Club at the Elmwood Park Public Library. I’ve hosted other 50 Shades book clubs but this was my first at a public library. What a wonderful turn-out! This was the largest book club audience the library had ever hosted! I was very much taken aback by the diversity of the […]
As a sex educator, S&M dungeon owner (The Studio) and pleasure advocate involved in the BDSM lifestyle, I’ve had the pleasure of trying all sorts of interesting sex toys many folks don’t ever see. I’m also fortunate to be one of the people that tests, reviews and writes about new products as they come out.
When it comes to vanillas and kinksters there’s a real “us” and “them” attitude. It’s like the Sharks and the Jets (Yes, I’m showing my age . . . and my love for musicals. Quiet, or I’ll dance fight your ass.). If you’re one you can’t be the other. You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the other side, right? Look how badly that turned out for Tony and Maria.
It’s also assumed if you’re on one side you think the other is less than worthy. Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.
Ben Wa balls, also known as Kegel exercisers, are all the rage. We’ve known for over 1,500 years using them leads to improved vaginal health, better sex and stronger orgasms. You’d think that would be enough to sell anyone. But it wasn’t. Aside from a surge in popularity in the 1970’s, Kegel exercisers largely remained unused and misunderstood. As soon […]
Whenever I talk to people who have little to no experience in bondage, domination, sadism, submission, masochism, or the like, I ask them to imagine for me a couple. They are named Chris and Alex. First of all,
Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not
Everyone’s jumping on the BSDM/50 Shades bandwagon. Every other internet news source claims to have the secret to creating the perfect 50 Shades experience but few provide accuracy or substance. CaféMom/The Stir’s “Women Who Want ’50 Shades of Grey’ Sex Can’t Always Be on Top” is the latest in a string of blog posts giving women horrible advice about how […]
A few days ago, one of the local radio news stations interviewed us for their “50 shades of Grey” series. I was interested in talking about the book. One way or the other it’s an important book right now. It’s on paper, it’s got a cardboard cover, it’s written with an incessant and continual internal dialogue that makes you want to stick needles in your face, it’s on the bestseller list.
Our BDSM 101: 50 Shades of Taboo class last night at Taboo Tabou was AWESOME! Thanks to everyone who came out! The turnout was wonderful and I’m already receiving all sorts of private notes from attendees thanking Ken and I for teaching the class. BDSM is a complicated subject and 2 hour class is barely enough to cover the basics—the […]
My fellow literary snobs, sex educators, kinksters & sex positive community members may be shocked to hear me say this: STOP HATING ON 50 SHADES OF GREY! Yep, you read that correctly. I’m defending 50 Shades of Grey. Whether you have read the book or not, there are a few things we need to get out of the way. First, lets […]
Maybe you really enjoyed 50 Shades and you want to know what you could read next. Here are some options. All of these are written to subjectify the female player- to give her life and let her fantasy really guide the book. Even if she is the submissive- the object of affection and intrigue, use and abuse, she is the window through which the story is told.
When we hear words like fetish, kink, BDSM or S&M we immediately think sex.
BDSM is an acronym many in the mainstream consider synonymous with S&M. Technically it stands for bondage & discipline (BD), dominance & submission (DS) and sadism & masochism (SM). In other words– whatever it is you like that’s kinky, whether on the giving or receiving end, is included in the all encompassing label of BDSM.
Upon meeting a prospective partner in a coffee shop or at the corner bar, they often become “Coffee Shop Hottie” or “Corner Bar Dude” in casual conversation amongst friends. When I first met the love of my life, my best friend and I secretly referred to him as “The Sex Clown.”