Well, we weren’t ON Sandra but we were guests on her podcast!  This episode was all about clown fetish.  Oh, you didn’t know about the clown thing Ken & I have?  Here’s a clown sex primer I wrote, Diary of a Sex Clown: Life Lessons from a Clown Fetishist. After you’re done reading that, check out the Sex Nerd Sandra [...]

We would probably all differ a little in our answer to the question “What is a relationship for” but one thing we can probably all agree on is the idea that it needs to be fun. Fun is what happens between you and your partner when you put aside the problems in your life, in your world, maybe in your relationship itself, and “throw the old pigskin around” figuratively.

Reading this essay was the very first time I felt validated in my suspicions that the world wasn’t balanced. Although I was told I could do anything, be anything, and my value was equal to that of a man, I knew deep down that really wasn’t true. What I was told and my day-to-day experiences were two very different things.

That is the worst word I know. It has horrific connotations and nothing can make it right. Ever. I cringed at the thought of using it, but I chose to write the most terrible word I know to make a point. So why, you ask yourself, would you drop the “N bomb” Ken? I used that terrible word to draw attention to how words can anger us. In 1994 there was a trans-man

This is a touchy subject, but I don’t feel like having sex all the time anymore. Surprise! I’m getting older. Soon I will be 44 years of age. I am into alternate sexual practices; I’m in an open relationship, BDSM, and have multiple sexual partners. I should always be in the mood, right? Wrong!

I love everything about butch women, and I always have. More feminine girls just don’t do anything for me sexually- I can objectively admire their beauty and sexiness, but in the end, it’s when I see a woman who is androgynous, boyish, or plain out manly, my heart starts to pitter-patter. So let me sing an ode to butches here, because …

September 23rd, 2012 is Bisexuality Day. We need more visible bisexual role-models and supporters so I’m doing my part! I dig everyone– dudes, chicks, people whose plumbing traditionally matches their gender, those who don’t match and everywhere in between.  Some may call that bisexual, some pansexual and some queer.  Whatever label you choose for yourself ultimately doesn’t matter.  What matters [...]

This is a must read article on pubic hair from Good Vibrations Blog. It’s like the author, Alyssa Royse, and I are twin souls. Like her, I didn’t remove my pubic hair until well into my 30′s. I can’t love my hair(less)style enough. Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner. Sex is better for me when I’m hairless.  I also [...]

September 12th, 2012 is Global Female Condom Day.  I am so thankful I discovered the many joys of female condoms so, of course, I’m here to spread the word! Contrary to popular belief, female condoms can be used by people of any gender in man/woman, woman/woman or man/man sexual encounters. To learn more, watch my Youtube video below to find [...]

Huge thanks to Get Lusty for interviewing me!  Below is a re-print of the original article/podcast published on GetLusty.com.  Also, if you haven’t checked out Get Lusty, get started!  They post a bunch of sex positive, awesome articles every day.  You can also find other podcasts on the site featuring people like Pro-Dommes,  BDSM enthusiasts and other big-name sex educators like [...]

This is part two of What Kink Can Teach Us. The “alternative” community we will be focusing on this week is polyamory and swingers. I must admit. I am completely monogamous and look for/require [...]

When it comes to vanillas and kinksters there’s a real “us” and “them” attitude. It’s like the Sharks and the Jets (Yes, I’m showing my age . . . and my love for musicals. Quiet, or I’ll dance fight your ass.). If you’re one you can’t be the other. You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the other side, right? Look how badly that turned out for Tony and Maria.

It’s also assumed if you’re on one side you think the other is less than worthy. Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.

Whenever I talk to people who have little to no experience in bondage, domination, sadism, submission, masochism, or the like, I ask them to imagine for me a couple. They are named Chris and Alex. First of all,

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not

Here’s a quick guide to being secure with who you are, being comfortable with your own feelings, and being able to maintain emotional independence without feeling stifled by other people’s responses…

  I am tired, tired, tired of the “Real Women Have Curves” bullshit floating around Facebook.  Yes, I have curves.  Sometimes I love them and often I hate them.  I have major body image issues.  They play on my mind every day, every hour.  They dictate the choices I make, the mood I’m in, what I eat/don’t eat, the activities [...]

Everyone’s jumping on the BSDM/50 Shades bandwagon. Every other internet news source claims to have the secret to creating the perfect 50 Shades experience but few provide accuracy or substance.  CaféMom/The Stir’s “Women Who Want ’50 Shades of Grey’ Sex Can’t Always Be on Top” is the latest in a string of blog posts giving women horrible advice about how [...]

A few days ago, one of the local radio news stations interviewed us for their “50 shades of Grey” series. I was interested in talking about the book. One way or the other it’s an important book right now. It’s on paper, it’s got a cardboard cover, it’s written with an incessant and continual internal dialogue that makes you want to stick needles in your face, it’s on the bestseller list.

Our BDSM 101: 50 Shades of Taboo class last night at Taboo Tabou was AWESOME!  Thanks to everyone who came out! The turnout was wonderful and I’m already receiving all sorts of private notes from attendees thanking Ken and I for teaching the class. BDSM is a complicated subject and 2 hour class is barely enough to cover the basics—the [...]

  My fellow literary snobs, sex educators, kinksters & sex positive community members may be shocked to hear me say this: STOP HATING ON 50 SHADES OF GREY! Yep, you read that correctly.  I’m defending 50 Shades of Grey. Whether you have read the book or not, there are a few things we need to get out of the way.  First, lets [...]

When we hear words like fetish, kink, BDSM or S&M we immediately think sex.

BDSM is an acronym many in the mainstream consider synonymous with S&M. Technically it stands for bondage & discipline (BD), dominance & submission (DS) and sadism & masochism (SM). In other words– whatever it is you like that’s kinky, whether on the giving or receiving end, is included in the all encompassing label of BDSM.

May is National Masturbation Month!  This article was written for and originally appeared in Lidia-Anain’s Sex Love Joy.  During the entire month of May, Sex Love Joy will feature a collection of masturbation stories by various authors.  Check back periodically for new writing.      I’ve always masturbated A LOT. I was about 5 years old when I started. I [...]

I just learned Detroit’s Local 4 News planted someone at a local BDSM Dungeon party and will broadcast images of the guests captured on a hidden camera on tonight’s 11pm news.  The angle of the story is something to the effect of “OMG! Are there really crazy sex parties in our quiet suburban neighborhoods!?”  The story will also attempt to [...]

Upon meeting a prospective partner in a coffee shop or at the corner bar, they often become “Coffee Shop Hottie” or “Corner Bar Dude” in casual conversation amongst friends. When I first met the love of my life, my best friend and I secretly referred to him as “The Sex Clown.”

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  It’s a topic I am very passionate about. I devoted a lot of time this month to speaking and teaching about sexual consent.  In my Sexual Consent Workshops we learn about consent in the context of various relationships like a hook-up, dating, marriage/domestic partnership, a swinging encounter or a BDSM scene. We’ve all heard [...]

    I was recently asked to articulate my opinion on cosmetic vaginal surgery, mainly labiaplasty. I promptly re-watched the film linked above, The Perfect Vagina by Heather Leach and Lisa Rogers.  I originally saw the film about a year ago.  I couldn’t remember all the details from the movie but I did remember it left me confused as to what my opinion [...]

When I was about 7 years old I accidentally heard my mother having sex. I stayed quiet as not to be discovered but had to keep listening out of sheer curiosity. At one point I heard her say in a whispery, trying-too-hard, bedroom voice “put it . . . between my . . . breaasssttts!”

  This PSA from Stand up! is of the best anti-bullying videos I’ve seen.  It made me cry, damn it! Really, everyone NEEDS to see this.   Show your friends, show your kids.  We need this happening in every school.        

I love Lawrence Barraclough and I don’t care if he has a teeny weenie peener.  Besides, size doesn’t matter.  Well, yes it does.  Well . . . no, it doesn’t really.  Okay, maybe a little bit.  No?  What’s the right answer!? This is a must see documentary for men and women alike.  In My Penis and Everyone Else’s, Barraclough makes [...]

I continue to be bombarded with countless untruths about what occurred during our lecture on February 21st, 2011 at Northwestern University.  It has turned into a global game of telephone.  The story has become so distorted and plucked out of context that it no longer resembles the reality of what happened that day.  But that’s not the point of this post.  You can read more about the [...]